Pathetic.

It is pathetic. It is so sad.

I think back to all those times when I've been scared to be alone. So scared and terrified to the point where rejection was my number one weakness. I know now, that that wasn't really the case. I wasn't scared to be rejected. Well, not as much as I thought I did. I was scared to reject other people. I was scared that after I walked away from them, they wouldn't run after me and stay with me. I was scared that they would leave because they didn't think I was worth it. That they wouldn't want me any more.

But I know now.

People like that? They're not worth it. If they want me, just to be able to say that they have me, they're not worth it.

All those people I lied to because I was scared. All the meaningful words rendered of any meaning as soon as I said them, all because all of it was meaningless without the truth. But I did love them all. But apparently not enough to let them go.

Dias Dos

Dear Forever,

How are you doing? I'm doing fine. Seeing you today was.. (:
Even though I barely got to talk to you alone.. But I saw your face today.

I hate how you have doubts that I love you.
If I didn't, I would never even say it. I know what it feels like to be played.
I'm the last person that would ever do that to someone else.

I got you with me, so why would I ever want to lose you?
I don't know who loves who more, I just know, that I DO.

Can we just leave it at that?
Let's just leave it at, "I love you too."

Dias Uno

Dear Forever,

So, it's day one without you. How am I coming along? ... Better than expected, surprisingly, knowing that tomorrow (in my time zone, at least) it's Monday.

Monday.

The day when the start of my week with you starts.

Every week. Walking to school with you. Seeing you. Hugging you, Being with you.

Five days a week. Six hours a day.

Right now? That's more than I could ever ask for.

Right now? It's the only thing I want.

For you to be here.
Holding my hand.

Just to be here.